My Best Friend

Not sure how a tiny little mask is to keep her safe
From contagious people throughout the day
That still make her sick, inflict emotional pain
By the stares and everything that they say
She brushes it off,
“They just don’t understand,
It’s not their fault”
To go home to sleep next to bottled O2
Body sipping life through a nasal tube
Spending hours stitching quilt after quilt
As her father, I suspect, cries with grief and guilt
He did not do anything wrong, I wish he’d see
He still gave her life, gave her the chance to be
Her skin is pale, some say she looks like she’s dying
But I know the woman beneath, continues fighting
Through blood work, bone marrow tests, tears
Vitamins, pills, special shakes, and a secret fear
We were laying bed, late at night, she confessed
“Kayla, I don’t know if I want to get better”
She continued, as knots formed in my chest
“If I get better, I will be like everyone else”
I closed my eyes during the last part, afraid
“I want to be special”
I choked back sobs, as this woman revealed
She would rather die, than to be ordinary
I could never imagine how that must feel
Crushing that she believed her identity
Was the scientific name for her disease
I marveled in her vivaciousness, vitality
And all she could think was
“if I get better, I won’t be me”
She is twenty-five with a pendulum swinging
Much faster than those in their eighties
There are so many things I wish she knew
The wind in hair on a dewy days run
The salty kiss from a nervous first love
Fingers, hands, lips, coo’s, cries of a little one
That will look up one day and call her Momma
A few weeks ago, she took me aside
I knew it was important for she started to cry
My best friend explained to me the reason why
She only had a few quilts to go,
Before everyone had something that she’d sewn
“A piece of me” is what she’d said “just in case”
“Just in case” drove me into a schizo craze
Paranoia kicking down my door
Fear welled up inside my core
She had always been the confident one
The woman with all the hope in the world
I never expected she would come undone
Still to this day my thoughts just swirl
I am not ready for her to give in
I am not ready to lose my best friend
The doctors called this week to tell her they had a cure
I was the first she called
Bounce in her words, giggles in her throat, hope was here
But they don’t think she can survive the procedure
Back to square one
I still have an aunt, that has been my best friend
Since I was too tiny to remember just when
It is possible she won’t be a here to see me a bride
Or worse spend her forever with a man at her side
But she is here now and I hold her tight
As my best friend continues her fight for life