Free Write 1

here comes the electro
im pretty sure i was given too many chances. arent i on strike...who knows what, but well past three? was not i supposed to be out long ago? waiting for the destruction of the world. wait..it already is destroyed. see what i mean? my mind is blown. directionless. they say when caught out in the ocean, the worst is falling too below the surface, especially in the dark. elusive exit surface. im trapped below that mirky water. right, left, up, down, all become a slurry of choices that lead nowhere but deeper into the abyss. my lungs ache to expand. finally they are compelled to suck in. nothingness enters through my mouth. i swallow it continuously. im ravenous. like an infant, i root. my body lurches, searching for more nothingness to drink in. and then i am still. full of absence and darkness. i sink further. i like it here. no longer seeking out the exit. just falling graciously into a pit. i like it here. i am alone and safe. i like it here. never shall i worry about pain. or love. i like it here. i like it here. i like it here. it. here. i. nothing but words, not even a string. just words. vacant of meaning. i am vacant of meaning. in fact, without meaning, i does not exist. a hollow, forgotten word, from a forgotten past. here.

Therapy Poetry1

it's been a terrible two months. as expected. i don't think i need to say the obvious when it comes to what happened. i'm sure i will soon post much about what has happened. of course without names, just emotions. but here's the most recent poem/song...i wrote it within the last 20 minutes. i am SURE i will be updating it soon. but here's the rough/raw words as of now. here's to looking forward to sad/depressing words. hope you all are well.

Walls arent closing in
They are breaking down
My head has been screaming
But I don’t hear a sound
The life I thought I had
Has been ripped apart
Now any future
Seems so dark
What if I don’t want to go on now
Could they ever understand
What if everything is too broken now
Too late to lend a hand
pieces cant be forced to fit
I know ill never be over this
But I keep seeking out what ever will take this pain away
Ill never find
A love like yours
Wind on which I soared
Im falling
Crashing down
I felt my wings break as I peered into your face
With your last breaths I prayed for you to rest
I layed against your bed sobbing like a child I said
“You were my best friend”
And now im falling
Im crashing down
Im burning
Right through the ground
Im falling
Forever into space
Hoping I will lose my way
But you are worth every ounce of pain